Disclaimer
Everything in this site is a personal philosophy and should not be regarded in any way as professional or therapeutic advice. It's simply a site with a few ideas.About Mark Avery
Mark is different. He doesn’t link happiness with success, positive thinking, spirituality, random acts of kindness, or even love and compassion. Nor does he tell you what to think, or what to feel.
No, he has figured out what really does make a person happy, and there is nothing secret about it. Simply: happiness is our evolutionary reward for satisfying innate needs.Who is this book for?
If you are in your teens or early twenties, this book is for you. It’s you I want to help. I want you to know things I wish I had known when I was your age.
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Introduction.
SECTION 1. The innate need to feel safe.
1. Be aware of what you are feeling.
- Be aware of what you are feeling
- Key 1. Label it!
- Key 2. Be specific when you describe an emotion.
- Key 3. Don’t catastrophise.
- Key 4. Are you feeling other emotions?
- Key 5. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
- Key 6. Don’t talk like a zombie.
- Key 7. Alice and the creatures of the Dark Forest.
- Key 8. Cry to become resilient.
- Key 9. Don’t ‘fake it until you make it’
- Key 10. Ignore the dills in the peanut gallery.
- Key 11. Do you have a default emotion?
- Key 12. Find the hidden concerns.
- Our enjoyable emotions.
- Key 13. What presses your button?
2. Be aware of your emotional beliefs.
3. What creates our emotions?
4. Unwanted thoughts.
5. Be angry.
6. Be vulnerable.
7. Reduce the intensity of an unwanted emotion.
8. Move through fear.
9. Judging people.
10. Take responsibility for how your life unfolds.
11. Become unbreakable.
12. Feel invincible.
SECTION 2. The innate need to belong.
13. The deep need to belong.
14. The need to feel valued.
15. Can we value ourselves?
16. Status
17. The need to contribute.
18. Be assertive.
- Be assertive. (Or ‘Don’t live in Wimp City’)
- Key 44. State what needs to happen from now on.
- Key 45. You are not obliged to give a reason.
- Key 46. Show the person you understand their point of view.
- Key 47. Don’t slam doors.
- Key 48. You don’t need to solve the other person’s problem.
- Key 49. You are not obliged to answer some questions.
- Key 50. Ensure your question is answered.
- Key 51. Don’t be a citizen of Wimp City.
- Key 52. Don’t be an ‘are you sure?’
- Key 53. Don’t be a ‘Maybe’.
- Key 54. Get rid of the ums & ers.
- Key 55. Ask ‘Why?’
- Key 56. Ask for help.
- Key 57. Learn to say ‘No’.
- Key 58. Ask for something in return.
- Key 59. Accept compliments.
19. Being assertive in particular situations.
- Being assertive in particular situations.
- Remain unattached to the outcome.
- Kids: avoid being ‘nagged’ by a parent.
- Stick up for yourself
- Dealing with a nasty person.
- Dealing with an angry person.
- Dealing with hostile emails.
- Steps to take if you need to confront someone.
- Getting away from talkers.
- Opportunities to practise being assertive.
20. We don’t need close relationships to be happy.
21. Connecting to the people we are close to.
22. Feed your soul.
In conclusion . . .
Author Archives: Mr Bashful
Key 1. Label it!
To improve my public speaking skills I became a soapbox speaker: a person who stands in a public place and talks. The practice began millennia ago when about the only way to impart ideas to the public was to stand … Continue reading
Key 2. Be specific when you describe an emotion.
There are thousands of colours. Paint charts describe just a few. We have navy blue, royal blue, baby blue, cobalt blue and so on, but most of the time we just say ‘blue’. That’s fair enough, because most of the … Continue reading
Key 3. Don’t catastrophise.
Another way to be specific is to avoid catastrophising. Resist making statements such as, ‘This is terrible’ and ‘I’m devastated’ when it’s not terrible and you aren’t devastated. When we accurately state how we feel, people appreciate the honesty and … Continue reading
Key 4. Are you feeling other emotions?
Apparently, leprechauns hide their pots of gold at the end of a rainbow. When I see a rainbow I estimate its coordinates and go looking. I don’t intend to steal the gold, just borrow it for a while. A rainbow has … Continue reading
Key 5. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
Think back to the lesson my Uncle Geoff taught me, described in the introduction to Part 2. He asked me how I felt about circus lions being caged and how I felt about my football team losing. I had given … Continue reading
Key 6. Don’t talk like a zombie.
I once asked an acquaintance – let’s call him ‘Oscar’ – how he felt about losing custody of his dog. He shrugged and replied, ‘These things happen.’ Oscar had given me his opinion, not an expression of how he felt, … Continue reading
Key 7. Alice and the creatures of the Dark Forest.
Once upon a time, a young girl called Alice stood in a paddock throwing pine cones at Farmer Brown’s beehives. Alongside the paddock was the scary Dark Forest. Out from the Dark Forest strode Anger. Anger was a ferocious looking … Continue reading
