DisclaimerEverything in this site is a personal philosophy and should not be regarded in any way as professional or therapeutic advice. It's simply a site with a few ideas.
About this book
Happiness does not come from positive thinking, random acts of kindness, a high self-esteem, or from having close relationships. Nor does it come from suffering, or from trying to reach our full potential.
It comes from satisfying long-term, ongoing innate needs.
Two of those needs are to feel safe, and to feel that we belong. This book looks at both.
SECTION 1. WHY IS HAVING RESILIENCE IMPORTANT?
SECTION 2. THE NEED TO FEEL SAFE
1. What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
- Label it. And be specific!
- Distinguish between your thoughts and feelings.
- What presses your button?
- Don’t talk like a zombie
- Charlotte and the Creatures of the Dark Forest
- Ignore the dills in the peanut gallery
- The Adventures of Sir Thrustalot.
- Find the hidden concerns.
2. Emotional beliefs
3. Anger is a wonderful emotion.
4. Be vulnerable.
5. Reduce the intensity of an unwanted emotion
6. Unwanted thoughts.
7. To become an adult
8. Feel invincible.
9. Section 2 Concludes.
SECTION 3. THE DEEP NEED TO BELONG
1. Our Need to Feel valued
- Our need to feel valued.
- I ask of you a favour.
- Help people feel valued
- Ways to feel valued.
- Our self-worth
- We evolved to have a fragile self-worth
- Feeling loveable.
- 1. Be open to receiving love.
- 2. Ditch the mask and be yourself.
- 3. Just two things exist.
- 4. I am better than no one . . .
- 5. Don’t live in Wimp City.
2. Our Need to Contribute.
3. Our Need to Feel Connected.
4. Connecting with the people close to us.
Author Archives: Mr Bashful
I once asked an acquaintance – let’s call him ‘Oscar’ – how he felt about losing custody of his dog. He shrugged and replied, ‘These things happen.’ I could have pointed out that he had given me an opinion, … Continue reading
One day, young Charlotte was walking down a country road alongside the spooky Dark Forest. Out from the Dark Forest strode Anger. Anger was a ferocious looking creature. It was white with rage, and its huge, warty mouth had long, … Continue reading
In the 1800s theatre audiences were noisy. If the entertainment was deemed poor the patrons would express their displeasure by heckling, or by throwing peanuts at the actors. The biggest nuisances were the less sophisticated patrons sitting in the cheap … Continue reading
‘. . . there is a tendency among some men to convert any and all emotional experiences into anger. Feeling anxious, jealous, sad, embarrassed, or ashamed, these men tend to display nothing but anger. You see the justification of this … Continue reading
How often have you snapped at someone for something trivial? Or felt uneasy while travelling, until you finally realise you have left the stove on? Sometimes we feel unsettled, or grumpy, or anxious, or stressed, and don’t know why. … Continue reading
Water diviners believe that if they hold a switch a certain way (a switch is a flexible shoot cut from a tree) they believe they can find underground water. If there is water below where they stand, their switch supposedly … Continue reading
We can undermine their influence upon us by becoming aware of them. If the zebra foal in the previous chapter had realised its attachment to the cola sign was just an emotional belief imprinted upon it, it might have made … Continue reading
In the sentence, ‘I should study if I want to pass the test.’ the word ‘should’ is appropriate. It’s commonsense. However, we sometimes we adopt beliefs based not on common sense, but on values, and those beliefs can be unhelpful. In … Continue reading
This chapter is also based on Karen Horney’s ‘Tyranny of the Should’. In the last chapter I suggested we drop our ‘shoulds’, ‘oughts’ and ‘musts’ of other people, and replace those words with suggestions or preferences. I said the sooner we … Continue reading