The Umpteen Keys to Resilience
No New-Age mumbo jumbo, no jargon, no advertisements.
Skip to content
  • Home
  • Happiness myths.
    • Myth: The power of positive thinking.
    • Myth: We need money to be happy.
    • Myth: We need to be kind to be happy.
    • Myth: We are happier with few possessions.
    • Myth: We need to suffer to be happy.
    • Myth: we need to reach our full potential.
    • Myth: We need to love ourselves.
    • Myth: We need to be loved to be happy.
    • Myth: We need close relationships to be happy.
    • Myth: Having good health is a key to happiness.
    • Myth: We can choose to be happy.
    • Myth: Happiness – fake it until you make it!
    • Myth: Happiness comes from having low expectations.
    • Myth: we need to foster compassion to be happy.
    • Myth: We can earn our self-worth
    • Myth: We should aim to succeed.
  • Assertiveness Skills
    • 1. State what needs to happen from now on.
    • 2. You are not obliged to give a reason.
    • 3. Show the person you understand their point of view.
    • 4. Don’t run away.
    • 5. You don’t need to solve the other person’s problem
    • 6. You are not obligated to answer all questions.
    • 7. Ensure your question is answered.
    • 8. Don’t be a citizen of Wimp City.
    • 9. Don’t be an ‘are you sure?’
    • 10. Don’t be a ‘Maybe’.
    • 11. Get rid of the ums & ers.
    • 12. Ask why.
    • 13. Ask for help.
    • 14. Learn to say ‘no’.
    • 15. Ask for something in return.
    • 16. Accept compliments.
    • 17. Remain unattached to the outcome
  • More on being assertive.
    • Don’t turn the other cheek.
    • Dealing with an angry person
    • Dealing with a nasty person.
    • Dealing with hostile emailers.
    • Kids: avoid being ‘nagged’ by a parent.
    • Steps to take if you need to confront someone.
    • Getting away from talkers.
    • Opportunities to practise being assertive.
  • Feed your soul
    • 1. Why it helps YOU to say ‘Thank you’.
    • 2. Avoid the underminers.
    • 3. Be the gatekeeper.
    • 4. Ulysses and the sirens.
    • 5. Don’t cheat, don’t steal.
  • Miscellaneous
    • Do I deserve to be happy?
    • Why did I write this book?
    • Mr Bashful, Speaker
    • Is the Dalai Lama an anger avoider?
    • Why does poo smell bad?
  • Thank you!

Miscellaneous

1. Do I deserve to be happy?

2. Why did I write this book?

3. Mr Bashful – speaker.

4. Is the Dalai Lama an anger avoider?

5. Why does poo smell bad? A brief explanation of the process of natural selection.

  • Disclaimer

    Everything in this site is a personal philosophy and should not be regarded in any way as professional or therapeutic advice. It's simply a site with a few ideas.
  • About this book

    Happiness does not come from positive thinking, random acts of kindness, a high self-esteem, or from having close relationships. Nor does it come from trying to reach our full potential.
    It comes from satisfying long-term, ongoing innate needs.
    Two of those needs are to feel safe, and to feel that we belong. This book looks at both.

  • Search:

  • Blogroll

    • Speakers' Corner, Sydney
  • Translate

  • SECTION 1. WHY IS HAVING RESILIENCE IMPORTANT?

    • Welcome!
    • What is happiness?
    • How did happiness evolve?
    • Getting the balance right.
    • Should we even seek happiness?
  • SECTION 2. THE NEED TO FEEL SAFE

    • The difference between stoicism and resilience
  • 1. What are you feeling?

    • What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
    • Label it. And be specific!
    • Distinguish between your thoughts and feelings.
    • What presses your button?
    • Don’t talk like a zombie
    • Charlotte and the Creatures of the Dark Forest
    • Ignore the dills in the peanut gallery
    • The Adventures of Sir Thrustalot.
    • Find the hidden concerns.
  • 2. Emotional beliefs

    • Be aware of your emotional beliefs
    • Weaken your disabling emotional beliefs
    • The Tyranny of the Should – our expectations of the world.
    • The Tyranny of the Should – our expectations of ourselves.
  • 3. Anger is a wonderful emotion.

    • Be angry!
    • What makes you angry? Wrong answer!
    • An incident occurred and I’m angry!
    • Be angry with yourself
  • 4. Be vulnerable.

    • Be vulnerable.
    • Allow yourself to be criticised.
    • Admit your mistakes
    • Apologise
    • How to give a quality apology
    • How to give a lousy apology
    • Don’t lie to yourself
    • Don’t lie in general
    • Do scary things.
    • Develop the feeling of abundance.
  • 5. Reduce the intensity of an unwanted emotion

    • Edward de Bono’s shrug
    • Get out of the habit of complaining
  • 6. Unwanted thoughts.

    • Think what you like.
    • It’s okay to be judgmental but . . .
    • Dealing with Unwanted Thoughts
  • 7. To become an adult

    • Take responsibility for how your life unfolds.
    • Look for the part you played when something goes wrong in your life.
    • Look for the part you played when something goes right in your life.
    • Become unbreakable.
    • Resisting peer pressure
    • The one true freedom
  • 8. Feel invincible.

    • Why do soldiers get fit?
  • 9. Section 2 Concludes.

    • The Hadza
  • SECTION 3. THE DEEP NEED TO BELONG

    • Our deep need to belong – introduction
  • 1. Our Need to Feel valued

    • Our need to feel valued.
    • I ask of you a favour.
    • Help people feel valued
    • Ways to feel valued.
    • Our self-worth
    • We evolved to have a fragile self-worth
    • Feeling loveable.
    • 1. Be open to receiving love.
    • 2. Ditch the mask and be yourself.
    • 3. Just two things exist.
    • 4. I am better than no one . . .
    • 5. Don’t live in Wimp City.
  • 2. Our Need to Contribute.

    • Introduction.
    • Follow your heart, a little bit.
  • 3. Our Need to Feel Connected.

    • Feeling connected
    • 1. When someone speaks to you.
    • 2. When you speak to someone.
  • 4. Connecting with the people close to us.

    • Introduction
    • 1. Don’t snipe
    • 2. Be gracious.
    • 3. Tell people what you are feeling.
    • 4. Tell the person what you want.
    • 5. Distinguish between wants and needs.
    • 6. Say ‘Thank you’ – Part 2
    • In conclusion . . . .
  • Conclusion

    • This book concludes.
The Umpteen Keys to Resilience
Blog at WordPress.com.