Author Archives: Mr Bashful

If you are young . . .

. . . this book is for you. It’s to tell you things I wish my sister and I had known when we were young. It’s a  pre-self-help book, designed to help you to not become anxious in the first place. … Continue reading

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What is happiness?

Being happy is not about living ‘life’s spectacular journey’. Nor is it about avoiding pain. A happy person feels all the dark emotions: anger, fear, sadness, grief . . . They’re just not broken by them.   There are two … Continue reading

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How did happiness evolve?

It is hard to speak of evolution without inadvertently attributing to it intent. I might say, ‘beetles evolved to fly’, which sounds like the beetles had a choice in the matter. Of course they didn’t. Or, I might say, ‘evolution … Continue reading

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Getting the balance right.

Every day we experience fears: the fear of failure, of rejection, of looking stupid, the fear that our dinner will get cold . . .  We have a myriad of fears. We can reduce those fears by developing the belief … Continue reading

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Should we even seek happiness?

Q. ‘Who wants to be a grinning idiot with no real substance?’ Being happy is not about being a grinning idiot. Happy people still suffer; they still feel all the dark emotions – hurt, anger, fear, sadness . . . … Continue reading

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The difference between stoicism and resilience

Let us not confuse resilience with stoicism, or toughness.      A resilient person might endure hardship, but will recover. That’s what resilience means: having the capacity to recover from hardship. Resilient people might express their pain by talking about … Continue reading

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What are you thinking? What are you feeling?

Sometimes our parents tell us what we are feeling, or should be feeling, instead of allowing us to experience what we are actually feeling. Tell a child they’re happy, or grateful, when they’re not, and they’ll get confused.   And, some of us … Continue reading

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Label it. And be specific!

One day, a friend treated me shabbily. I searched for the emotions I was feeling and labelled each one. I said to myself, ‘I feel annoyed. I feel betrayed. I feel belittled. I feel disappointed.’ (And a few more.) When … Continue reading

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Distinguish between your thoughts and feelings.

Years ago, when I was visiting my uncle Geoff at his farm in Korumburra, he casually asked, ’Mark, how do you feel about circus lions being kept in cages?’          I answered, ‘It’s cruel, it’s wrong, it … Continue reading

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What presses your button?

Rolf was a road-rager. One time, a car cut him off, and when the two cars had stopped at the lights, Rolf got out of his car and rapped on the driver’s window, screaming. Fortunately for Rolf the incident did … Continue reading

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