DisclaimerEverything in this site is a personal philosophy and should not be regarded in any way as professional or therapeutic advice. It's simply a site with a few ideas.
About this book
Happiness does not come from positive thinking, random acts of kindness, a high self-esteem, or from having close relationships. Nor does it come from trying to reach our full potential.
It comes from satisfying long-term, ongoing innate needs.
Two of those needs are to feel safe, and to feel that we belong. This book looks at both.
SECTION 1. WHY IS HAVING RESILIENCE IMPORTANT?
SECTION 2. THE NEED TO FEEL SAFE
1. What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
- Label it. And be specific!
- Distinguish between your thoughts and feelings.
- What presses your button?
- Don’t talk like a zombie
- Charlotte and the Creatures of the Dark Forest
- Ignore the dills in the peanut gallery
- The Adventures of Sir Thrustalot.
- Find the hidden concerns.
2. Emotional beliefs
3. Anger is a wonderful emotion.
4. Be vulnerable.
5. Reduce the intensity of an unwanted emotion
6. Unwanted thoughts.
7. To become an adult
8. Feel invincible.
9. Section 2 Concludes.
SECTION 3. THE DEEP NEED TO BELONG
1. Our Need to Feel valued
- Our need to feel valued.
- I ask of you a favour.
- Help people feel valued
- Ways to feel valued.
- Our self-worth
- We evolved to have a fragile self-worth
- Feeling loveable.
- 1. Be open to receiving love.
- 2. Ditch the mask and be yourself.
- 3. Just two things exist.
- 4. I am better than no one . . .
- 5. Don’t live in Wimp City.
2. Our Need to Contribute.
3. Our Need to Feel Connected.
4. Connecting with the people close to us.
Tag Archives: Tyranny of the should
In the sentence, ‘I should study if I want to pass the test.’ the word ‘should’ is appropriate. It’s commonsense. However, we sometimes we adopt beliefs based not on common sense, but on values, and those beliefs can be unhelpful. In … Continue reading
This chapter is also based on Karen Horney’s ‘Tyranny of the Should’. In the last chapter I suggested we drop our ‘shoulds’, ‘oughts’ and ‘musts’ of other people, and replace those words with suggestions or preferences. I said the sooner we … Continue reading