Satisfying our Deep Need to Belong is not about pleasing people to fit in, or about having lots of friends, or about having close, loving relationships.
It’s about feeling valued for what we do, as well as feeling valued for who we are.
It’s about feeling worthy, for no reason at all.
It’s about contributing to the tribe, while being the person we were meant to be.
It’s about realising that we create our own world, and we are the boss of it.
It’s about welcoming into our world the people who want us to thrive.
It’s about allowing everyone else into our world, on our terms.
It’s about being with loved ones (if we have them) the right way.
It’s about knowing that we are better than no one on the planet, and no worse.
It’s about feeding our souls the good stuff.
When we do those things we gain a self-assuredness that allows us to feel simply ‘good enough’, and that in turn allows us to discard our anxiety. So, instead of making judgments of other people, and fearing their judgments, we begin to feel for them.
It’s at that point we feel connected with them. And then at last we know, to our very core: we belong. And we know that it’s true: that all of us really are in a little boat, in a stormy sea, and we really do owe each other a terrible loyalty.