6. Say ‘Thank you’ – Part 2.

If you have read the ‘Thank you’ page in the ‘Feed Your Soul’ section, this is Part 2.

Just because we are familiar with our loved ones doesn’t mean we can take them for granted and drop the niceties. They still need to feel valued. A relationship can wane when one person takes the other for granted.
  Avoid that by regularly thanking people for what they do, and by giving them positive feedback.

A parent could say to their spouse:
‘Thanks for taking the kids to soccer every Saturday morning!’
‘I appreciate all the work you did to ensure our dinner party went well. Thanks for that!’
‘Thank you for being a good father/mother to our kids.’

You could say to a parent:
‘Thanks for taking me to soccer . . .’

When we are in the habit of thanking our loved ones and giving positive feedback, we notice more our good fortune. We become less likely to take their contribution for granted, and our positive view of the relationship grows. That makes the relationship more enjoyable, and  our compromises easier to bear.

Every time a loved one does something right (even if it’s expected) acknowledge that contribution by saying ‘Thank you’.

‘I call them the “masters of relationships”. They have this habit of mind where they are looking for things to appreciate. They are looking for things to say, “thank you” about. At the other extreme, the “disasters of relationships” focus on their partner’s mistakes. They are scanning for what their partner is doing wrong.’
Psychologist John Gottman, speaking with Alison George in ‘New Scientist’ 29 April, 06.

Q. ‘I do regularly thank people. But they don’t thank me.’
Ask your loved ones to acquire the habit. Explain why it’s important.
  Whatever happens, don’t you stop thanking them. You will still benefit, and you’re setting an example for them that they might one day follow.

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