Disclaimer
Everything in this site is a personal philosophy and should not be regarded in any way as professional or therapeutic advice. It's simply a site with a few ideas.About this book
Happiness does not come from positive thinking, random acts of kindness, a high self-esteem, or from having close relationships. Nor does it come from trying to reach our full potential.
It comes from satisfying long-term, ongoing innate needs.
Two of those needs are to feel safe, and to feel that we belong. This book looks at both.Search:
Translate
SECTION 1. WHY IS HAVING RESILIENCE IMPORTANT?
SECTION 2. THE NEED TO FEEL SAFE
1. What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
- Label it. And be specific!
- Distinguish between your thoughts and feelings.
- What presses your button?
- Don’t talk like a zombie
- Charlotte and the Creatures of the Dark Forest
- Ignore the dills in the peanut gallery
- The Adventures of Sir Thrustalot.
- Find the hidden concerns.
2. Emotional beliefs
3. Anger is a wonderful emotion.
4. Be vulnerable.
5. Reduce the intensity of an unwanted emotion
6. Unwanted thoughts.
7. To become an adult
8. Feel invincible.
9. Section 2 Concludes.
SECTION 3. THE DEEP NEED TO BELONG
1. Our Need to Feel valued
- Our need to feel valued.
- I ask of you a favour.
- Help people feel valued
- Ways to feel valued.
- Our self-worth
- We evolved to have a fragile self-worth
- Feeling loveable.
- 1. Be open to receiving love.
- 2. Ditch the mask and be yourself.
- 3. Just two things exist.
- 4. I am better than no one . . .
- 5. Don’t live in Wimp City.
2. Our Need to Contribute.
3. Our Need to Feel Connected.
4. Connecting with the people close to us.
Conclusion
Author Archives: Mr Bashful
Feeling connected.
17th Century philosopher John Donne famously wrote: ‘No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the … Continue reading
1. When someone speaks to you . . .
. . . make that person interesting! ‘To have a real conversation, you must hear what he other person is saying, think about it and then respond. . . . Many so-called “conversations” really consist of two people saying what … Continue reading
2. When you speak to someone . . .
. . . strive to be interesting! “Talking well and conversing well are not the same thing. We often make the mistake of thinking someone is a good conversationalist because they’re funny, witty or tell good stories. But that’s what … Continue reading
Connecting with the people close to us – Introduction
Although we don’t need close relationships to satisfy our need for connection, and to be happy, they are nevertheless a great way to satisfy that need. You can find plenty of articles on how to have healthy relationships, but let’s … Continue reading
Posted in Introduction
Leave a comment
1. Don’t snipe
A spider spun a web between the branch of a tree and Farmer Brown’s barn. Now and then a leaf would fall into the web and tear it, and the spider would cut the silken strands attached to the leaf, … Continue reading
2. Be gracious.
If your partner is plainly wrong, or has made a mistake, and it’s not important, let it go. Don’t correct the person. Let it slide. You don’t always have to be right. ‘Wrong cannot afford defeat, but right can.’ Rabindranath Tagore. Every time … Continue reading
3. Tell people what you are feeling.
Get into the habit of telling the person you trust what you are feeling. And when you do it, be specific. Don’t exaggerate. By giving a clear picture of what you are feeling, your companion gets to know you better. … Continue reading
4. Tell the person what you want.
When I say, ‘Tell the person what you want,’ I’m not so much referring to objects or holidays, I’m referring more to the compromises we make in life. If you want a tidier room, tell the person. If you want … Continue reading
5. Distinguish between wants and needs.
Don’t tell a person you ‘need’ something when you merely ‘want’ it. Some people tend to use the word ‘need’ to persuade people to give them what they want. That’s unfair and it can be counter-productive, because people don’t like … Continue reading
6. Say ‘Thank you’ – Part 2.
If you have read the ‘Thank you’ page in the ‘Feed Your Soul’ section, this is Part 2. Just because we are familiar with our loved ones doesn’t mean we can take them for granted and drop the niceties. They still … Continue reading
The Umpteen Keys to Resilience 