Disclaimer
Everything in this site is a personal philosophy and should not be regarded in any way as professional or therapeutic advice. It's simply a site with a few ideas.About this book
Happiness does not come from positive thinking, random acts of kindness, a high self-esteem, or from having close relationships. Nor does it come from trying to reach our full potential.
It comes from satisfying long-term, ongoing innate needs.
Two of those needs are to feel safe, and to feel that we belong. This book looks at both.Search:
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SECTION 1. WHY IS HAVING RESILIENCE IMPORTANT?
SECTION 2. THE NEED TO FEEL SAFE
1. What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
- Label it. And be specific!
- Distinguish between your thoughts and feelings.
- What presses your button?
- Don’t talk like a zombie
- Charlotte and the Creatures of the Dark Forest
- Ignore the dills in the peanut gallery
- The Adventures of Sir Thrustalot.
- Find the hidden concerns.
2. Emotional beliefs
3. Anger is a wonderful emotion.
4. Be vulnerable.
5. Reduce the intensity of an unwanted emotion
6. Unwanted thoughts.
7. To become an adult
8. Feel invincible.
9. Section 2 Concludes.
SECTION 3. THE DEEP NEED TO BELONG
1. Our Need to Feel valued
- Our need to feel valued.
- I ask of you a favour.
- Help people feel valued
- Ways to feel valued.
- Our self-worth
- We evolved to have a fragile self-worth
- Feeling loveable.
- 1. Be open to receiving love.
- 2. Ditch the mask and be yourself.
- 3. Just two things exist.
- 4. I am better than no one . . .
- 5. Don’t live in Wimp City.
2. Our Need to Contribute.
3. Our Need to Feel Connected.
4. Connecting with the people close to us.
Conclusion
Author Archives: Mr Bashful
Don’t lie in general
‘Tell people the truth, because they know the truth anyway.’ John McGrath An effective way to avoid lying to ourselves is to avoid lying in general. When I say ‘lying’ I mean purposely deceiving someone. When I’m at Speakers’ Corner and … Continue reading
Do scary things.
‘The willingness to say ‘I love you first’. The willingness to invest in a relationship.’ Brené Brown. When we create for ourselves a life that is safe – a safe home, a safe job, a safe routine – we need … Continue reading
Develop the feeling of abundance.
People acquire possessions for convenience or pleasure, which is fine, but some people acquire possessions to gain a feeling of substance. These people choose their car, their watch, their furnishings . . . carefully. What might it say … Continue reading
Edward de Bono’s shrug.
The best way to deal with impatience is to not become impatient in the first place. A a good way to do that is to become easygoing. How do we do that? One good way called … Continue reading
Posted in Edward de Bono's shrug, Key 29. Edward de Bono's shrug.
Tagged Edward de Bono, shrug
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Get out of the habit of complaining.
‘It’s easy to be hard to please.’ Gretchen Rubin. We have just seen that Edward de Bono’s shrug is one good way to become easygoing. Another good way is to get out of the habit of complaining. I … Continue reading
Think what you like.
After I was burgled my sense of violation lasted a long time. I would come home concerned that I had been robbed again, and when I looked out my kitchen window I would scan my garden for an intruder. I … Continue reading
It’s okay to be judgmental, but . . .
Most of the time judgments are helpful. We evolved to make them. In prehistory they increased our chances of survival, and still do. (We have to make judgments to cross a road.) There is, however, a difference between judging people … Continue reading
Dealing with unwanted thoughts.
‘Write kindness in marble; your injuries in dust.’ Persian proverb. Q. ‘I often find myself thinking negative thoughts. What can I do to stop having them?’ Applying the keys in this book will, over time, allow you to have fewer … Continue reading
Take responsibility for how your life unfolds.
I’m audaciously dividing people into three groups: Group 1. These people are never at fault. When things go wrong they blame their boss, their spouse, the government, society, the weather bureau . . . They spend their lives complaining and … Continue reading
Look for the part you played when something goes wrong in your life.
‘No one can really pull you up very high – you lose your grip on the rope. But on your own two feet you can climb mountains.’ Louis Brandeis. Years ago I heard that when … Continue reading
The Umpteen Keys to Resilience 