Myth: We need to love to be happy.

‘Mr Bashful, is loving someone a key to core happiness?’

No. Let’s say you love someone but the other person isn’t aware of how you feel, and barely knows you even exist. How would you feel?
‘Pretty ordinary.’
Or let’s say the other person is aware that you love them, but thinks you’re a creep. How would you feel?
‘Again, pretty ordinary.’
We only enjoy the love we give when it’s reciprocated. That’s why we have dogs for pets instead of beetles. Loving someone, or a pet, is not enough. We need to be loved in return to gain a benefit.
‘So, we don’t need love to be happy?’
No.
‘We just need to be loved?’
No, that’s not right either. See the ‘myth‘ about that.

Loving someone (and being loved in return) will provide a feeling of connectedness, and of feeling valued, (both keys to core happiness). But there are other ways to satisfy those innate needs.  Loving someone (and being loved in return) is just one way to satisfy those needs.

Q. ‘I’d love my son even if he didn’t love me.’
Even so, you wouldn’t be feeling inner peace if every day he cursed you and the ground you stood on, no matter how much you loved him.

2 Responses to Myth: We need to love to be happy.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Let’s say you love someone but the other person isn’t aware of how you feel, and barely knows you even exist. How would you feel?
    Fine. People love their teachers, love movie stars, love from a far, and they are happy that they have found someone to love despite it not being reciprocated. I love many people this way.

    • Mr Bashful says:

      You might be right, Anonymous! I have been giving your comment thought and I need to ask you a few questions before I make any changes to the page.
      1. When you love a teacher, or someone from afar, is there not a longing? A wistfulness? An emptiness? A heart-ache, because that person cannot be a part of your life? If not, why not?
      2. When you love a movie star, do you love that movie star only when you are watching them act in a film? Or do you continue to think about that person in day-to-day life, and continue to love them?
      3. When you do love someone from afar, or a teacher, etc. and you don’t feel a sad longing for them, but instead feel happiness to have found someone to love, what is that love like for you? Is it intermittent? Eg. Only when you see the teacher/person? Or does that love permeate your day?
      I’m asking these questions because when I have loved people who have had no interest in me, I feel pretty ordinary. I feel a longing, a sadness. But your comment suggests that not everyone feels the same way. Intriguing. If you can feel happy in that situation I need to know about it.
      I look forward to your answers, Anonymous. Because if I’m wrong I need to know.
      Cheers,
      Mark.

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