When many years ago I was asked to answer the question, ‘What makes a person happy?’, the question became a quest. The powerlessness I had felt when I was unable to help my sister Jane meant that writing this book was to be my journey. For me, any other journey would have been a waste of time. Yet, I haven’t found a cure for depression. I can’t assist anyone suffering from the affliction.
But I have come to understand a little about happiness. It isn’t a mystery. It is something we evolved in the same way we evolved our elbows and our spleen – we are meant to have happiness. It’s our reward for satisfying innate needs. We get it by going through the motions of being an aware human being.
I couldn’t help you then, dear sister Jane, and I wouldn’t be able to help you today. I tried. But thank you for the journey you prompted me to take. It has been bewildering, exasperating, and endless. And it has been the most rewarding damned thing I’ve ever done.
DisclaimerEverything in this site is a personal philosophy and should not be regarded in any way as professional or therapeutic advice. It's simply a site with a few ideas.
About this book
Happiness does not come from positive thinking, random acts of kindness, a high self-esteem, or from having close relationships. Nor does it come from suffering, or from trying to reach our full potential.
It comes from satisfying long-term, ongoing innate needs.
Two of those needs are to feel safe, and to feel that we belong. This book looks at both.
SECTION 1. WHY IS HAVING RESILIENCE IMPORTANT?
SECTION 2. THE NEED TO FEEL SAFE
1. What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
- Label it. And be specific!
- Distinguish between your thoughts and feelings.
- What presses your button?
- Don’t talk like a zombie
- Charlotte and the Creatures of the Dark Forest
- Ignore the dills in the peanut gallery
- The Adventures of Sir Thrustalot.
- Find the hidden concerns.
2. Emotional beliefs
3. Anger is a wonderful emotion.
4. Be vulnerable.
5. Reduce the intensity of an unwanted emotion
6. Unwanted thoughts.
7. To become an adult
8. Feel invincible.
9. Section 2 Concludes.
SECTION 3. THE DEEP NEED TO BELONG
1. Our Need to Feel valued
- Our need to feel valued.
- I ask of you a favour.
- Help people feel valued
- Ways to feel valued.
- Our self-worth
- We evolved to have a fragile self-worth
- Feeling loveable.
- 1. Be open to receiving love.
- 2. Ditch the mask and be yourself.
- 3. Just two things exist.
- 4. I am better than no one . . .
- 5. Don’t live in Wimp City.
2. Our Need to Contribute.
3. Our Need to Feel Connected.
4. Connecting with the people close to us.